A reminder to the ambitious and the lost

Have you ever had a moment in your life where you seriously sat down and thought about what you were doing? Where you're going with your life? Or most importantly, if you're actually happy?

I had that moment this week after I got a call from my mom letting me know that my Grandfather was being taken to the emergency room and that he wasn't responding. Without a moment's hesitation I headed straight there.

To give a quick background story on this, and why this is significant, my grandfather has been through a LOT....he disproves the whole "nine lives" theory. The man has survived a broken back, two heart attacks, a stroke, a diabetic induced coma, multiple leg operations that have put him in a wheel chair, he's currently battling Alzheimer's and Dementia, and now has survived two seizures..so when my family was notified about what had happened...you can bet that we were all scared.

Thankfully he's better now. The entire time I was with him though I couldn't help but feel how odd it must have been for people working at the hospital to see so many people waiting to see one patient. The whole situation began to make me think about where I currently am in my life and what I want, how many people's lives have I impacted? Am I happy with where I am at right now? Or better yet...am I satisfied with this?

At the moment, I have absolutely no excuse or reason to complain, in fact I am happy and blessed beyond anything, I have a new apartment, new car, an amazing job close to where I live, I am near my family, and I have an amazing woman by my side. HOWEVER, I am not satisfied...let me explain.

I think it all started when I first moved into my new apartment, I went up three flights of stairs and was breathing like I just finished running a marathon...I was embarrassed, ashamed, but most of all I was angry...I remember looking at myself in the mirror and asking myself a question that I think a lot of people start asking themselves before a big life change  "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO TO CHANGE THIS?"

Immediately I started looking up different diets, workouts, and finally found the right programs to help me start getting to where I want to be. Two months later, I'm in a lot better shape, and more productive at work, BUT still not satisfied and kind of frustrated that I can't push myself further right now.

I'm at a point in my life where I can't help but realize I have the potential to do and be so much more and it's frustrating because there is no fast track to get there, it's taking things step by step and having an unrivaled work ethic in everything I do. It's like having something within your grasp but you just can't get to it...

However, this takes me to the whole point of why I'm writing all of this in the first place...HAPPINESS.

While I was in the middle of my run the other night, one of my childhood best friend's called me to tell me something important...that he was happy for the first time in years!  Weird know but just listen...

A few years ago he unfortunately lost his mother when she was hit by a drunk driver. His entire world shattered...he started suffering a lot from depression and anger as a result...and since then has been struggling to actually be happy...until that phone call.

He has been offered a really good job opportunity that would require him to move, but, after a weekend in Georgia for a big music festival he came back and did a lot of self-reflection and is now realizing how happier he is with his life and that he may not even want to move.

Now the thing him and I talked about wasn't that the music festival was the sole reason he was happier, it was what he discovered, the environment of happiness he was put in and the affect it had on him. While it took him awhile to get accustomed to it, he eventually joined in on the fun and began being happy again. Even more now, he took that same happy energy and brought it back with him to Connecticut where he told me: "I was dancing at 8am on my friend's porch with no music"....this is the kind of stuff you only hear about in movies or from a Kevin Hart joke.

He realized that he didn't necessarily want a life where he's rolling in money but rather where he's happy and content with himself and everyone around him, hence why now he's reconsidering his offer.

This mentality goes against the way I was raised since my whole life my family has struggled financially and I couldn't get the thought out of my head ever since I was little: "If only we had the money..." While money was a bigger motivator for me to do well it wasn't the only one, I still have a lot of goals, like making a big impact on the world and trying to get more minds involved in STEM.

Anyways, after he heard everything I'm going through and what my current ambitions are he reminded me of something that I think a lot of us, especially in my circle of friends who are all very driven and ambitious need to hear. We need to be able to stop being so "GO GO GO" and remember to enjoy the little things on our journey to our dreams.

I'll never forget what he said to me: "Clemente you have the kind of focus where you will shut out the whole world to the point where people get concerned about you. You don't just desire perfection for whatever you're pursuing, you aim to get one step above it, and it's awesome but you need to remember to enjoy time with everyone around you and comeback down to earth." And especially after nearly losing my grandfather I think its about time I try to connect more with those around me and appreciate my time with them even more.

The thing to always remember and the main thing that I want everyone to take away from this is to take time to enjoy your life and those around you, cause you may never know when those people or relationships may be gone, and just as important, make sure that you spread positive energy to those around you...you never know what battles people in your daily life may be facing and the impact a few simple words from you could have.

And one of the last things I will say is for those of you struggling to find direction or your passion. Ask yourself this: What can you do with your time that is important? What activity or kind of work makes you forget to eat? But most importantly, what makes you happy?  Truly take time to think and reflect about this, it may help prevent you from being stuck in a job you hate.

If anything that I've written so far has impacted you or if you know someone who you think needs to read this, please share and pass it on, I want to impact as many lives as possible!

For now, I can't say I will have a set time when I post up more of these blogs but I can say to expect more as I continue chasing my dreams!  Thank you for reading!

Challenges and Reflections of Being a Leader

Leadership...it's probably one of the biggest concepts and part of my own life that I am still trying to define and learn about...and now I find myself reflecting on challenges I've personally had to overcome to get where I am today.

Throughout my undergraduate career I've held a leadership position within the Society of Hispanic Professional Engineers and can fortunately say that it has brought me an incredible amount of experience that I am utilizing today and hoping to pass on to others.

One the earliest challenges I had to deal with was learning to meet certain expectations as a leader and learning what it meant to be a leader. To be honest, had it not been for some of my amazing mentors and friends I would have been lost.

Now I often find myself having the same thoughts....What am I leaving behind?...What impression do I give or am I leaving?...Am I doing my very best?...What is it that defines a good leader?...

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." - John Quincy Adams 

During those times as a leader and even now in my term as the Region 7 Student Representative I find myself reflecting on the challenges I've had to overcome, expectations I've had to meet, and analyzing what I've done so far and trying to figure out if I had made an impact...if I had made a difference or inspired anyone to go higher....

When I attended the National Institute of Leadership Advancement Conference this past summer in Colorado the most interesting thing happened to me.

It happened a little after we had leadership roundtable discussions where attendees of the conference could take the chance to get to know regional and national leaders such as myself and some of the challenges that we've had to face so far. One of the younger attendees approached me and told me how much some of my responses during the discussion motivated and inspired him to do better and to improve his chapter and own leadership style...

For me, this was the first time, ever, that I think anyone had told me that I had inspired them to do better and that they wanted to improve themselves because of something that I had said.

It was from that day onward that I made it a personal goal to try and do the same to others and to bring us together to strive towards a common goal.  

"A true leader has the confidence to stand alone, the courage to make tough decisions, and the compassion to listen to the needs of others. He does not set out to be a leader, but becomes one by the equality of his actions and the integrity of his intent." - Douglas MacArthur

If you read my earlier blogpost on failure, one of the biggest failures as a leader so far has been the failure to recognize some of the people closest to me for delivering work and results that others do not see and cannot comprehend.

Failure, is one of the most difficult challenges of being a leader...regardless of how amazing you are at the end of the day you're still human and you're going to make mistakes...

However, the thing that I have learned the hard way is that when you make mistakes as a leader of an organization, several people can be affected. For me, this is still a very difficult thing to deal with because I care a lot about the people I'm trying to lead and how my actions affect them.

It was when I was confronted about this mistake that I realized I had been so focused about trying to set out to be a leader that I had forgotten why I worked so hard to get the position I have today...to help others, and to give them the recognition and rewards that they deserve.

I promised the individual who confronted me that day that I would work hard to make sure that I set things right, not just with him, but with several others who I know I hurt from my mistake. My only hope right now is that the individuals who I know I hurt realize that.

This also taught me another important lesson...and something that I recommend anyone who takes on leadership role pay attention to carefully....you're not going to be able to please everybody....it's a harsh and difficult reality to deal with but it's almost impossible.

Ask any President, any CEO, any leader in fact, there's always going to be a certain amount of people that will disagree or be displeased with you.

"I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people."

- Mahatma Gandhi 

Learning to get along with difficult and diverse people is a big key to success that I recommend you start learning now if you haven't done so already.

When I campaigned to be RSR, I had to make several calls to the new and current president's of chapters all across the southeast. The challenge I had to overcome at that time was explaining who I was, what I was doing, and why they should vote for me as well as get them on board for the ideas that I was proposing.

The real difficult part came when I had to explain all of this to chapter executive boards that had never even heard of the position I was running for or what it meant to be involved in the elections.

Now, I need to learn to be able to get along with and support roughly 25 different chapters across the southeast and getting everyone on the same page whenever we try to strive towards certain goals.

Again, not everyone is going to agree with you, and everyone is definitely not going to do things the way you want them to. I've seen what happens when people try to dictate and micro manage...it gets ugly and its counter-productive....

"A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way." - John C. Maxwell 

I can't begin to tell you how much I wish there was someone to help guide me and mentor me my freshmen year...

I could visually see myself falling behind the other freshmen during career expos because of the amount of success they had with interviewing and simply connecting with people...

It wasn't until my sophomore year that I met someone who helped prepare me for the conference and that I successfully earned a co-op. However, it was from that experience my freshmen year that I learned the impact that a simple resume critique, interview preparation, an introduction....a mentor can all have

Observe and learn from others, look at their best practices for handling certain situations, how they talk to people, what works what doesn't work, then apply that to your own set of skills and make it your own. 

It wasn't until I spent hours watching some of the most famous and best speeches in history that I become more comfortable with public speaking, even more so after I gave a few in front of my mentors who critiqued me and told me how to improve. 

"Leadership is the capacity to translate vision into reality." - Warren Bennis

I grew getting made fun of for my Hispanic Heritage and being underestimated cause of it. My dream back then was to become more successful and wealthy than anyone to be able to come back and show off and laugh in their faces.

However...after watching several people I care about go down the wrong path and watching the struggles and conditions they have to go through everyday...my dream....my vision changed....

I didn't want to be better than anyone anymore, I didn't care about wealth, power, or status, the only thing that I had wanted was to be able to live in a world where we can actually get along....where the images that Hispanics and other minorities are not perceived as negative...

Everything I do is because I want to make this world a happier one for everyone, even if I'm standing alone working towards it I'll stick to my convictions till the very end, and just maybe...inspire someone to continue this goal and mission.

"Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other." - John F. Kennedy

I am still young, I have a lot left to learn and a lot of growing I still need to go through as a person and as a leader. 

However, if there is anything that I've learned from my experiences as a leader, its to never stop learning. Always keep an open-mind and observe others, you'll be able to learn from their mistakes and successes.

Additionally, whenever you find yourself thinking "I quit"   "I give up"  "I'm too burnt out"   take a break from everything you're doing, go somewhere for a little while and always remember why you're here? What are you working so hard for? What do I hope to accomplish? When you remember your dreams, passions, and goals and stick to them there's absolutely nothing that can stop you. 

NEVER....EVER let anyone tell you "you can't do it", not me, not your family, loved ones, ANYONE....you're the only one in control of your life and you're the one who decides where you want to end up. If you had told me when I was younger that I would be graduating from the #3 Civil Engineering School in the country with several leadership roles, work and research experience I would never have believed you. 

It was through the belief others had in me, the belief I had in myself, the dream I wanted to accomplish, and through so many amazing people that I am where I am today and couldn't be happier! 

Finally, the most important thing that I can say is, make sure that whatever it is that you're doing, that you're passionate about it and that it makes you happy, and more so remember to give back. When you're doing something that you're passionate about everyday of your life....you will never have to work a day in your life. 

The Joys and Pains of Dealing with Change

Change...it can be amazing, it can be harsh, it can be beautiful, and it can be ugly....

A Graduation, a Wedding, getting a job, moving somewhere new, going through a bad break up, receiving terrible medical news, finding out you're going to be a mother or father...

Want to know the crazy part? Everything I listed just now has happened to someone I know in just this week alone...crazy right?

Change is something that affects everyone everyday whether we like it or not and how you handle it is what sets you apart from those that succeed.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
- Lao Tzu

I'll be honest with you change is not easy and sometimes it can be absolutely miserable... 

To give you a quick background story, I moved around a good bit when I was kid, I lived in 4 different states and had ZERO friends in each one for the first couple of months. 

For me change was something that was somewhat forced and something I had to adapt to unless I wanted to be miserable the rest of my life. It wasn't easy and in fact, my dad and I had arguments over how much we moved for YEARS I was so angry with him.  

I couldn't see if back then but all those times I had to adjust and adapt taught me how to  be patient and understanding of others. It helped me to learn about a wide variety of different cultures, particularly from the Middle East and East Asia since that's where all of our neighbors were from when I was growing up. It's that awareness and cultural competence that helped me connect and make all the friends I have today. 

Did I see it back then? Definitely not. However, through patience and an open mind I slowly began to learn more. 

However, I can't complain, I have a lot of friends who are international students...

Now that is something that still blows my mind about them every time I see them. Because the way I see it, at some point every one of them had to learn to adjust to a new language, a new group of people, a new culture, almost a new way of life essentially and then continue to be successful in school while doing so. 

I completely admire them for that. Putting myself in their shoes I don't know if I could ever have been able to pull something like that off growing up, they're all absolutely amazing and I hope that if they're reading this that they know that. 

They helped me gain a sense of relief when I moved for the last time to college...I wasn't alone anymore...I had people who in an odd way had similar and more difficult experiences then I did and we each had different cultural backgrounds that we brought together through good times and laughter. It's the most comforting feeling for anyone entering a new stage of their life.  

"We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance."
 - Harrison Ford 

I had discussions with several friends of mine this week who all had multiple offers from different companies for full-time employment. 

Now, at first, I'm like everyone else: "That's awesome! Congratulations" etc. 

However, what people don't hear too often is everything that comes with that job. For instance, in the case of my friends, it requires them to move to a new city, or to travel a LOT, which for some is perfectly fine, others...not so much. 

Unlike an internship which will only affect you for a few months, full-time employment is a decision that can be a permanent or at the bare minimum a long-term change that needs to have a lot of thought put into before a decision is made. It's terrifying and also really exciting at the same time...

Since I'm graduating in May I'm currently finding myself in that position as well. The one thing I would say is to do whatever you feel would make you happy. Even if the offers are seem equal, look at the small details, Google the city you're moving to and see what's there, see if the organizations you love have involvement in that city, the people, the culture, etc. If I had to move again, so be it, however, this time, I have a choice and I want to make sure that I am happy with it.  

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”
- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Marriage, Love, and Relationships....

I once heard love is like giving someone the power to destroy you...but trusting them not to...

Going on facebook and seeing that people from when I was in high school getting married, becoming a parent, or hearing about heart break makes me realize how quickly life can change, and how I need to get accustomed to the idea that nothing lasts forever.

While reading a particular article this week on marriage I read this:

"You don't marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn't for yourself, you're marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn't for you. It's not about you. Marriage is about the person you married." 
 - Seth Adam Smith, Marriage Isn't For You

For those who are in relationships who are not thinking about marriage, here's my take on everything.

While I've been in a relationship for awhile, I'm no expert, I'm still learning about what it means to love, to be loved, and about sacrifice.

I will say this however, you change after being in a relationship for awhile, for better or for worse it happens. For those who have been through a serious relationship or two will understand this.

Being in a relationship will help you see your flaws and may make you want to change yourself, or it can create insecurities that you carry with you into every relationship you go into. It can help you realize what it is your truly want or can pose questions in your mind about what it is you're looking for. Either way, its an experience that changes you.

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.” 
― Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym

We all have our own stories, our own sets of challenges ahead of us, challenges that may be life changing and can help us grow, I'm here to say you're not alone. 

I spent a good bit of my life thinking like that and try to take on everything alone and carry the world on my back. You get nowhere and fast. I dream of changing the world and leaving a positive legacy, but I can't do it alone, and I can't do it without first taking a good look at myself and asking if my lifestyle and character is something that people will admire and follow or turn away from. 

It's during times of change that we rely on everyone that counts in our lives, our families, our loved ones, the people who have mentored and coached you through several hurdles in your life so far. I know that despite my resentment towards him when I was younger, if it wasn't for my father I wouldn't have been able to adapt to change the way I can now. 

Before dealing with big changes, take time, self-reflect, and most importantly talk to people you trust and love, it's a lot easier to handle changes when you're with people you love who support you. 

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” ― Mahatma Gandhi 

For those starting a new chapter in your life, it doesn't mean that you have to leave everyone behind, we have enough technology and resources today to make it easy to stay in touch. I'm fortunate enough to say that I still have a few childhood friends and its the greatest thing in the world, without them handing the changes that occurred in my life would have been a different story.  

I truly do believe that any change or challenge can be conquered even if it's only with a small committed group of people. 

Take the changes and challenges in your life as an opportunity to grow and learn. Talk about your experiences and give back to those who could use the guidance, the positive changes you will see will make it worth while.